I long to be so in love with God that I am intoxicated by His spirit.  I long for the worries and problems of this world would melt away with every thought of Him.  To be so inebriated by Him that all I feel is joy and happiness.  I long for this love.
New favorite song. 


Someone Else's Thoughts...

one of the hardest parts about growing up is realizing that relationships are not as magical or as effortless that we, as children, so naively believed they were.

love is not all about red roses on valentine's day, or waltzing in an empty room to no music. it is not always comprised of sexy, passionate kisses in the rain, or romantic candlelit dinners.

love does not equal that perfect, pristine wedding on the beach, no matter how much we wish it did.

no, sometimes love is broken dishes on the floor, and tempers so high they threaten to burst through the ceiling. it is a drunk prince charming or an slutty snow white. it is loneliness echoing and aching deep inside your bones and it is the feeling of tears drying on your face like wax.

love is not disney. love is complicated. love is messy.

when i was younger, i believed that you could title a loved one. oh, she's his fiance. oh, they're boyfriend and girlfriend. oh, he's her husband. it is only now, as a teenager, that i realize this is not how love works. there is not a name to fit every relationship, although we've certainly tried with terms like friends with benefits.

we keep convincing ourselves that our happiness lies on one set of lips, that our lives would be peachy if we just managed to receive one kiss, or one wedding, or one boyfriend.

but love isn't about kisses or weddings or titles.

it's about how much you care, how long you will listen, how far you will go and to what lengths you will forgive.

the bottom line is, if you truly, deeply and honestly love someone, you will want them in your life, even if you never receive that kiss or that wedding.



I've always had this longing inside of me to be homeless. I'm not entirely sure why. Perhaps, because I want to do something countercultural. Perhaps, because I feel like it would help me understand things better. Perhaps, because it might solve all of my problems. I cannot say why it appeals to me so much, but only that it does.
But now, here I am exactly 759 miles from "home," and I couldn't help but feel homeless. A feeling of lostness has overcome my heart. As though I am once again a small child wandering the aisles of a grocery store searching for my mother, and the comfort that she brings. When I was at school last year and this happened, I would think to myself, it will be okay, because you will go home and everything will be the same as it was in high school. However, upon returning home, things were hardly the same. There was a feeling of emptiness there as well. And I once again tried to reassure myself by saying, it's okay, you'll go back to school, and everything will be the same. And for the most part it is, but I feel like I've left a piece of myself behind. Or maybe to put it better, I've left many pieces of myself behind, scattered all of the place. I have become so attached to some people, that I feel homeless and empty without them.
And so, to come to the point as to why I am actually writing this, I started thinking about what home really is. And home should be in the arms of God. But how can you find comfort in the arms of someone you can't feel? How can you find reassurance in a voice so small and quiet? How can you find encouragement in eyes you can't see? How can you find home in someone who was homeless? I guess my point is that I'm struggling with the idea that I might never feel like I have a home, because I was not made for this world. I was made for something more, something greater. So as I live on this earth, I will forever be homesick. I will forever be homeless.