Refuse Normalcy.


Be Classy.

"To be classy is to have respect; respect for others, respect for elders and most of all respect for yourself." -unkown


Well if I learned anything during Christmas this year, it was how truly blessed I am.  I have so many amazing friends and family.  We had a Christmas party at school right before Christmas break where we decorated gingerbread houses, did a gift exchange, and played a game.  It was a blast and it opened my eyes to all of the wonderful people that God has placed in my life.  So, if nothing else, I hope that this Christmas you realized how truly blessed you were too.  



My baby sister.

Meet my baby sister madeleine.  She is my best friend in the entire world. We have been through everything together and I am so blessed to be able to call her my sister.  I can honestly say that I don't know what I would have done without her.  Yeah, we're your typical sisters and we've had our fair share of fights, but I love her with all of my heart.  Being away at college and being 800 miles away from her is one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do.  I miss sitting on her bed and talking about life and boys and what to wear to school the next day.  I miss teasing her and watching movies with her and just being able to see her smile.  My heart breaks that I can hug her and hold her in my arms and tell her that everything is going to be alright.  She's been in my life since I was 4, and I suppose you could say that I see her as my own daughter.  I want to be able to give her the world.  Well, today my baby sister is turning 16.  I can hardly believe it!  She should still be that little 7 year old girl playing barbies with me or house on my grandparent's farm or attempting to make snowmen in our yard.  She shouldn't be a sophomore in high school.  She shouldn't be able to drive a car or have a job.  She should still be a little girl.  I've always heard people say that "it seems like just yesterday they were toddling around the house," and now I finally understand it.  I never knew how quickly time could fly until I measured it against my baby sister's life.  So here's to Madeleine, Happy 16th Birthday!  The last sixteen years have been such a blessing and I pray that there are many more to come.  You are an beautiful woman of God and it is amazing watching you grow in Him.  I love you sis. 


Jesus Meets the Women by Joseph Bathanti

They bump into Him shopping in Bloomfield.
It's how many years? He's skin and bone.
The hair. The beard. Some kind of radical.
But still He shows respect, kisses each one,
inquires about their health, tells them to pray,
ask anything in His name and it's theirs.
They laugh. He's probably on drugs, they say.
His poor widowed mother. Thirty-three years
old, a grown man, and still can't settle down.
The little bit He makes He gives away,
while poor Mary sits in one room downtown,
practically on welfare, day after day.
They don't mention the thorns or bloody cross.
He's not a bad kid, just a little lost.

To the Crazy Ones.


Proverbs 31 Movement.


  If you were to ask any girl, wether or not they have struggled at one time or another with comparing themselves to someone else, there answer would most likely be yes.  Everyday, girls are struggling with eating disorders, addictions to diet pills, and suicidal thoughts, because they are trying to be good enough. I struggled with an eating disorder for over 4 years, and there are still days when the thought crosses my mind that I could probably go without eating a meal.  These struggles are brought on by many different things, and the advertisements that we see every single day are one of those things.  
     We are exposed to an average of 560 advertisements per day.*  And many of those ads are covered with fake girls.  Girls that work out ridiculous amounts(because it's their job to look good).  Girls that have gone through surgery after surgery to look the way they do.  Girls that have been covered in so much makeup and self-tanner that you can't even see their real skin.  And on top of all that, they have been digitally altered to become more appealing.  We can't compete with that.  It is impossible.  And so, we do whatever we can, even if that means not eating, or eating and throwing up. We will do whatever it takes to get noticed.  
     Well here's the thing, people are noticing those Victoria's Secret models, and finally they are noticing them in a different way.  They aren't commenting on how hot they are, or how sexy they are, they are commenting on how they want something other than a VS model, they want someone real.  
     “Alex Eklund, a student at Baylor University, posted a status on Facebook stating, “I’d rather have a Proverbs 31 woman than a Victoria’s Secret Model”. Since then, other Baylor students and their friends have reposted, made graphics, and even a page has been made for it all because of the positive reaction it received from the people that saw it. Here are Alex’s thoughts on the movement’s beginning as well as some of his goals for the movement and what he believes the message means to so many people. Spread the word, live 31″

*Adams, Charles F., Common Sense in 
Advertising, New York: McGraw-Hill Book 
Company, 1965.

The Changeling's Lament by Shira Lipkin.

I have studied so hard
to pass as one of you.
I've spent a lifetime on it.

I have tells.
Blisters, tremors, bruises,
all the signs that I was not meant for your world,
was not meant to be contained
in your clothes,
your shoes.
I have this terribly inconvenient allergy
to cold iron.
Hives, really.
I stand out.

When I was little,
I asked my alleged mother,
what's a girl?

She said
you're a girl,
and she laced me into dresses
(that I tore off in the school parking lot,
in line for the bus).
Laced me into ballet shoes
that left blisters
and bloodied my feet
until I had calluses.
Which she had filed off,
beauticians pinning me down,
because it's not beauty
if you don't bleed.

My dancing was different.
My dancing was swaying treelike,
or launching myself across the room,
spinning madly,
but that is not what girls do,
not human girls,
not ladylike,
not contained.

And everything
is about containment
is about being delicate
and pretty
laced into corsets
whalebone stays digging into your ribs
because it's not beauty
if it doesn't hurt.

But I studied.
I pretended.
I hid the bruises
and the tics.
I hid the big dark parts of me.
I tamed my hair.
I watched my mouth.
I hid my magic.
I did not speak of such things
because we do not speak of such things –
not anger,
not homesickness,
not longing.
Not this sense
that I don't know what the hell
a human girl is
and I can tell, I can,
that everyone knows I don't belong here.
I laugh too loud;
I am too fast or slow to laugh.
I am an anthropologist in the field of girl.
I study
but none of it
ever comes

None of it is in my nature.

I am something larger,
more fluid,
less constrained.
But I am stranded in this place.
I have had to learn how to live here.
I have tried.
So hard.


Unexpected Blessings

Well today has bee full of surprises and it's only 3 o'clock!  I checked my mail today and received two envelopes and a package!  Talk about a lot of mail!  One of the envelopes contained the 3 Erick Baker tickets that I had ordered, which was exciting, mainly because I'm just so excited to go to his concert in Februaury.  I'm considering it an early birthday present for myself.  

The other envelope was a letter from my lovely grandparents, grandma judy and grandpa larry.  They came up earlier this year and we went to dinner and then went to their rv spot out by the lack and talked and drank tea.  I am so blessed to have them in my life and they are such an encouragement.  It was great to get an encouraging card from them!  And an added bonus was that my grandma included $5 for me to get a coffee from the library!  My grandma knows me so well! 


The package was from my momma and it was a wonderful surprise!  Normally my momma tells me when one is on the way, so I'm expecting it, but I had no idea about this one!  It was filled with fun little toys, socks, an encouraging letter from her, and pictures that my little cousin, ryenne, had drawn for me! 

If you have been keeping up with me lately, you know that this semester has been a pretty rough one.  I've been really homesick and on top of that I wasn't able to go home for Thanksgiving.  So, it was good to know that people back home are thinking of me as much as I have been thinking about them.  Only 8 more days to go! 

Unanswered Questions.

Questions.  We all have them and we all want them answered.  But what if they don't have a definite black and white answer?  What if we're searching and we come up empty?  Right now my life is moving quickly, and I can't slow it down.  I want so badly to stop everything, if just for an hour or a day, so that I might be able to catch up.  I feel like I'm being thrown into my future and I'm not ready for that.  I'm 19 years old and I'm tired of having to have all of the answers.  I'm tired of being asked questions and asking them myself.  A teacher asked me today where I wanted to be in 5 years, and though I adore her, I just wanted to laugh in her face and walk away.  But instead I sweetly replied, I want to be living in Colorado and owning my own coffee shop. And while this is a dream of mine, I don't know if I actually want to make it a reality.  Because the truth is, when you wake up from the dream, reality is never as good.  It's filled with deadlines and expectations.  It's filled with disorders and depression.  It's filled with the never-ending 9 to 5 workweek.  And I don't know if that's really what I want.  I was watching One Tree Hill(I know I watch it a lot), and one of the characters said something that I whole-heartedly agree with.  He said:
There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a road map. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back.
It is so true.  I want to go back to being a care-free kid.  I want to run around my yard playing tag, laughing and screaming, where my only care in the world was if I would get tagged or not.  I want to go back to playing barbie dolls, where I had control over the whole situation.  I want to go back to spending hours on my grandparents farm making up game after game.  I'm sick of this weight on my shoulders.  I feel like I have to bear everything, and I don't want to anymore.  I don't want to worry if my parents are doing "okay."  I don't want to have to worry about wether or not my mom is alright.  I don't want to have to worry about wether or not my little sister is struggling with the things I was when I was her age.  I don't want to have to worry about our house not selling or about where the money to pay for things is going to come from.  I don't want to have to worry.  I'm sick and tired of worrying.  And I'm sick and tired of asking questions and trying to provide answers for everyone else.  I don't know the answers and quite frankly, I don't know that I ever will.  I just want my childhood back.  It's funny how when we were kids and even now, we always look to the future.  We always talk about how we couldn't wait to grow up, because that's when life really starts, but nobody ever told you how hard it would be.  Nobody said anything about the worry and the depression and the eating disorders and the pressure and the expectations and the fear.  Nobody said anything.  They just sat there silently as we dreamed, not waking us up an bringing us back into reality.  Perhaps because they knew just how harsh and cruel reality was.  I just want to sit in my mom's arms and cry my eyes out.  I'm scared and I feel alone and I just want to know what God's will is for my life.  But I don't.  And so I don't know what to do.  I don't know how to move forward.  And though I'm stuck not knowing where to go, life keeps pushing and pulling, forcing me to blindly move forward.  But that's the thing, I'm blindly moving.  So, I'm falling and I'm failing.  I don't know where I'm going, I just know that I'm going.


Joy to the World

This is a video done by andrew ripp.  If you haven't heard him before, you are in for a treat.  He is full of talent.  enjoy! 

One Tree Hill Quotes:

Both of these quotes are from the tv show that I've been obsessed with lately: One Tree Hill.  It's a fantastic show, and if you have netflix and a ton of time, then you should probably start watching them.  Anyway, I really liked the quotes, so I thought I'd share them with you.  

You know it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they are happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things, or people, and we take them for granted, and it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you realized how wrong you've been, that you realize how much you need it, how much you love it.  

Every once in a while people step up, they rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise you, and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough you find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, and if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back.



So recently, I've been thinking a lot about the future.  I've been thinking about what my life will look like in 5 years.  Real life seems so far away, but in all reality, It's only 2 and a half more years.  So, I've been thinking about where I'll live and what kind of a job I'll have and where all of my friends will be and how long it will take me to reach my goals.  Needless to say, I've been planning.  I guess it's what I do.  When something scares me, I sit down and I plan it.  I'm scared about getting married, so I plan my wedding.  I'm scared about having a family, so I plan out what I will dress them in and what crafty things we will do together.  I'm scared about opening up a coffee shop, so I plan what it will look like.  I plan.  I'm scared about my future, so I plan it all out.  But there's one thing about planning things, they never happen the way you plan, and then you're left disappointed.

I was talking to a friend of mine a couple of days ago, and we were talking about the future and planning for it.  He then brought up 2 Peter 3:10 which says:
"But the day of the Lord will come as unexpectedly as a thief. Then the heavens will pass away with a terrible noise, and the very elements themselves will disappear in fire, and the earth and everything on it will be found to deserve judgment."

That's the thing. The day of the Lord  of the Lord will come unexpectedly.  Who knows if I will even be alive in 5 years.  Who knows if I'll still be here in a week.  We cannot plan for anything, it's already all planned out for us.  But then arises the question of if God already has a plan for us, how do we live our lives?  Do we just drift through life, saying that we can't plan anything, and so we will do tomorrow what we feel like God wants us to do?  Or do we sit down and say that if the Lord wills it, I will be owning and operating a coffee shop in 5 years?  How do we live, if we can't plan?  Where is the line between planning and trusting?  I'm not saying that by planning I don't trust God, because I do, wholeheartedly.  I know that He has a plan for me and that it is beautiful and perfect, but how do I aline my life with that plan?  How do I go after my hopes and dreams if can't plan and I don't know what God's plan is?  And not even the stuff that is years away.  What about next week?  Can I plan that I'm going to leave CN on the 14th and stay at Liz's house and then drive the rest of the way home on the 15th?  Or do I just do it when the time comes, giving no one any notice of what is happening.  How do we live our lives if we can't plan?

Part of me thinks that this is where the whole "in the world, but not of it" verse comes in.  I think that this world thrives off of planning.  As a little kid, you plane to grow up.  As a teenager, you plan to go to college.  As a young adult, you plan to get married.  As a middle-aged employee, you plan for your retirement.  And as an elderly person, you plan for your death.  We plan.  It's what we do.  It's what we've always known.  But what if it's not what we're supposed to do.  What if we are supposed to live our lives one day at a time?  Never actually looking to the future, but knowing that the future is secure in God's hands.  I was thinking about this yesterday as I was working on a homework assignment where we are supposed to plan a budget for out future.  If we're always looking to the future, how much of our lives are we missing?  How much of the present flies by us without us even noticing, because we are too preoccupied with the future?